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August 17, 2005
I will never forget...
I took this photograph of a father and his son playing in the surf during my vacation a few days ago. I was so touched and inspired by this man’s overwhelming love for his child. The way he cherished his boy reminds me of my dad.
I wrote my father the following letter a few years ago:
Dear Dad,
I just wanted to thank you so much for the fantastic childhood you and mom gave me. I often want to be a child again so that I can feel the love, warmth, joy and security you always gave me.
Although money was very hard to come by while we were growing up, I never felt deprived of anything. Your love has given me more wealth than money could ever buy.
I will never forget the time you held me in your arms when I was so badly stung by the Jelly Fish in Durban.
I will never forget your tears when I went into surgery at six years old to have my severely squint left eye repaired.
I will never forget the one single tear that ran down your smiling check when you took me to Linksfield Primary School on my first day.
I will never forget you adjusting my tie before the high school dance. (I will always remember your smile and wink as I turned to say goodbye to you at the front door.)
I will never forget you passing me a care package through the barbed wire fence after our twelve weeks of basic training. (I can still feel your hand ruffling my hair as I sobbed, begging you to take me away from the two years of military training that ripped my childhood out of my soul and left it whimpering alongside the road to Fourth Field Regiment.)
I will never forget waving goodbye to you when I left South Africa. Not knowing if I would ever see you again. In my mind I still see the slow motion image of you with your arm around mom waving goodbye to me as I boarded the plane.
Thank you dad for giving me the best childhood a person could ever hope for.
Trev
My mum says my dad cried as hard as she’d ever seen him cry when he received my letter.
The letter took me months to send because I wanted to add so much to it and didn’t know how to end it. Eventually I sent it as is.
I’m so glad I did.
Two weeks later my father passed away suddenly. Stunned I flew home from America to be with my family. (The flight from Atlanta to Johannesburg was the longest 18 hours I have ever experienced in my life.)
At home, while helping my mum sort through my dad’s belongings I found the letter in his wallet.
He died with my letter in his pocket.
He died knowing how much I appreciated and loved him.
If you want somebody to know how you feel. Don’t wait. Tell them today because tomorrow might be too late.
Posted by trevor at August 17, 2005 09:00 PM
Comments
What a beautiful photograph.
And, a great letter to your dad. I wrote my mom a poem about my great childhood when she was dying of cancer. It happened to run in our local paper the day of her funeral. The letter touched my mom, and it helped those around us remember her.
Posted by: kim at August 18, 2005 06:40 AM
I am the father of two sons, whom I cherish. Before my father passed away I was able to let him know how much he meant to me. It was not a completely healthy relationship, but it took me five years after his passing to finally realize that although there was pain and many mistakes made, his love for me was true. That made all the difference. I am now completely resolved knowing the obstacles he himself had to overcome. Despite all that, he loved me and passed on the best of himself to me, which I now pass on to my boys.
Thanks for sharing this. Few things in this life have a deeper impact than a father's love for his children...
Posted by: Eric Smith at August 18, 2005 08:55 AM
Beautiful, Trevor. As I always say as well, "If you wait, you may miss it." I was able to tell my Father, and consequently, he was able to tell ME as well. I think it works both ways. We got to admit to each other our wrongs and our rights. It was a stunning conversation, and one that was very unexpected.
As with you, a month later, he passed very, very suddenly. I'll never forget our talk on my porch, and I'll be eternally grateful for whatever Power guided us toward that final evening.
I never leave anyone in my life now, without letting them know how important they are to me. Not ever.
Posted by: Alex at August 18, 2005 11:06 AM
I'm happy for you, Trevor, though I'm sorry you lost your beloved father, that you were able to express how much you cherished and valued him before he died. That he kept the letter with him is so beautiful. Though I personally do not have a close or loving relationship with my own dad, I imagine that it is the greatest gift for a parent to know that his child loved him.
Keep up the wonderful, life-changing work. Thank you for this blog. I read it whenever I need to be reminded of what's important in life.
Posted by: TJ at August 21, 2005 06:21 PM
Thank you for sharing such a hauntingly beautiful story. Thanks for this blog, too. I am so grateful to you for having a place to go that reminds me of everyone's humanity, including my own.
Posted by: Robin at August 28, 2005 12:06 AM
Wow. I had the odd luxury of having several month's notice when my dad was dying of cancer. We spent much of that time finally opening up, and even though he was never very communicative, even up to the end, I appreciated being able to tell him that I loved him. Thanks.
Posted by: Rife at August 29, 2005 01:13 PM
The letter went out today, I only hope it finds him before it is to late.
Posted by: bob at August 29, 2005 04:39 PM
This is a gem of a blog. A friend introduced me, saying it's nice. What an understatement. Your blog is able to evoke so many emotions and inspire so many good things.
Posted by: cass at October 16, 2005 12:02 AM
I am going through the same thing as my father had a lung out 6yrs ago for lung cancer,has survived with a good life style to date but now has just finished radiation treatments for prostate cancer and has spots on his liver from a cat scan. I work in emerg in a hospital and know this is not looking good and time is slipping away,his hand shake has nothing left and he dosen't stand a lot anymore. I have some bad feelings from my childhood and i have been a bad father in return to my kids up until a year ago as i have tried to be loving,caring and tell the kids i love them each time we talk. Add on all of this i just re married and working 12hr shifts is taking its toll on me.I know my father is a changed man now,more caring and loving than ever and i do forgivehim,but need to tell him how it has affected me with my kids as i have failed at being a father and husband the first time around. My kids and i are closer now and they are teenagers to boot,i just want him to understand ho much he means to me and not to be negative the whole letter. The worst thing is working in a hospital,seeing people with cancer on a daily basis and knowing there is nothing i can do to save him.
Posted by: Ken at November 5, 2005 10:09 PM
VERY NICE, TOO BAD MY DAD AND I AREN'T SPEAK'N THESE DAYS, MY MOM PASSED LAST DECEMBER AND I KNOW THAT MY DAD IS DEALING WITH IT IN HIS OWN WAY. THEY WERE TOGETHER A LITTLE OVER 40 YEARS, THEY WERE BEST FRIENDS. BUT AFTER HER DEATH HE CHANGED. HIS ACQUAINTANCES ARE NOW HIS FAMILY. MY SISTER AND I ARE LOST, WE'VE PRETTY MUCH LOST BOTH SRE PARENTS. HE'S CHANGED SO MUCH. HE'S BECOME VERBALLY AND PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE TOWARDS MY SISTER AND I. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I WANT TO TELL HIM HE'S NOT ALONE, BUT HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED WITH US. I ALSO FEEL BETRAYED THAT AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS OF MY MOTHER CATRING TO HIM HIS LIFE HAS GONE ON AS IF WE NEVER AS WELL AS MY MOTHER NEVER EXISTED.
Posted by: MICHELE at December 27, 2005 02:23 PM