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May 09, 2005
Comfort Zone
It was a rainy Monday like today. I was lying on my bed reading when I heard my mum sobbing. I tiptoed into the hallway and listened to my mother and father speaking.
My father had lost his job.
“What are we going to do?” said my mother, in tears.
“Well,” said my dad. “Firstly, we’re going to have dinner, then we’ll have dessert…”
“C’mon,” said my mom, chuckling.
“We’re going to wait for the rain to stop and then I’ll start looking for another job tomorrow?”
“Oh my God,” said my mother.
“We’re going to get through this,” said my dad.
“Got any ideas?” said my mum.
“Yup,” said my dad, “There's an opening for an assistant Industrial Arts teacher at Trevor’s school…”
I could not contain myself. I rushed around the corner and stood in front of my parents. I was more concerned about what I was going to tell my friends than about my dad losing his job.
“What am I going to tell my friends?” I asked.
“Mmm,” said my dad. “Let’s see. Why not tell them that …yeah…that your dad lost his job.”
“But they’ll think were going to be poor,” I yelled.
“It’s okay Trev,” said my dad, pointing to his heart. “Because we’re rich in here. And being rich in here is worth more than having a big house and a big car.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Being rich inside means that you care about people, that you have respect for yourself, that you have courage and that you can laugh when times are tough.”
(I knew deep down that my dad was scared and worried, but he really made us feel safe and secure. His demeanor and great attitude truly helped us to weather the storm.)
“A setback is a setup for a comeback,” said my dad. “We might have to tighten our belts, but we’ll be okay. Nobody is dead and we’re all healthy thank God. After all it’s only money.”
My dad put his arms around me and said, “ Trev, It doesn’t matter how much money we have or don’t have, I will always love you, care for you and respect you. I will never let you down my boy.”
My dad hugged me for the longest time. I can still feel the steady beat of his kind heart, the rhythm of his breath and the warmth of his caring hands on my shoulders.
My dad was true to his word until the day he died.
It took my dad months to finally land the job at King Edward School. They paid him next to nothing and it was tough and sometimes embarrassing, but we managed to get by.
Although I wore my sneakers clean through and I could not have the material things I wanted, my dad and I did get to eat our sandwiches together on the stone wall surrounding the rugby field at King Edwards for almost a year. The memories of us sitting under the magnificent oak trees and chatting during break is worth more than any amount of money in the world. If faced with the same situation, I would honestly choose the same circumstances again. The time I had with my dad was worth its weight in gold. The stress of not having money actually brought the family closer together. Those tough times were actually some of the best times.
Thanks to my dad, I have always been aware that money and acquisitions cannot bring ultimate happiness. Magazine and television advertisements keep telling us that ‘things’ will make us happy, content and secure. On the contrary, no money or possessions in the world can take away loneliness, heal emotional pain or fill our emptiness. It doesn’t matter what we have in the end. What really matters is how we care about each other. How we support those who are afraid, lonely and desperate, even if we feel the same way ourselves.
Posted by trevor at May 9, 2005 10:52 AM
Comments
How true your words are, Trevor. If only more families realized that...it's more about the moments we spend than the dollars we want to spend.
I love when you write about your dad. Thanks for your post :)
Posted by: Adrianne at May 9, 2005 01:52 PM
What a wonderful man you had for a father. No wonder you turned out so well.
Posted by: Natalie at May 9, 2005 04:14 PM
this was a wonderful entry. i am currently in the midst of a heavy depression that is centered around money and worries about money and reading things liket his help me to realize that there are other, more important things, in life.
thank you.
Posted by: kristen at May 9, 2005 07:04 PM
Beautiful story. Memories are much more important than money and material things.
Posted by: wynlen at May 10, 2005 03:26 AM
A very touching entry. And so true too.
Your posts always have such meaning to them. Keep it up. :)
Posted by: yuiny at May 10, 2005 03:27 AM
I used to be part of that mindset of 'the more, the better'. Then in May of 2001, I lost my job. My first reaction was to find a new one. But September 11, 2001, reshaped my priorites. I live just south of Dulles International Airport. The plane that hit the Pentagon, Amercian Airlines Flight 77, took off from Dulles. It probably flew over my house. In the days after September 11th, the lack of air traffic was eerie. On the day that the planes starting flying again, my son (who was five at the time) and I sat in our back yard, just to watch the planes. While we were sitting there he asked me, "Daddy are we rich?" I answered him with the first thing to pop into my mind, "Yes we are, but not in terms of money." Since then I have been a stay-at-home Dad. And it has been more rewarding then all of my previous 'jobs' put together.
Trevor you learned something early on that took me a bit longer, that not worring about accumulating wealth can provide a freedom that millions cannot buy.
The world is a better place because of people like you and your Dad. He would be very proud.
Posted by: Brian at May 10, 2005 03:25 PM
Another wonderful post Trevor! Your dad was obviously a great man, demonstrating traits of a true leader.
May I share two of my favourite quotes with you that I think relate directly to this :)?
First, I think this one applies to you and to your dad... "True greatness consists in the use of a powerful understanding to enlighten oneself and others." – Voltaire
And this one to your post... "Remember to be gentle with yourself and others. We are all children of chance and none can say why some fields will blossom while others lay brown beneath the August sun. Care for those around you. Look past your differences. Their dreams are no less than yours, their choices no more easily made. And give, give in any way you can, of whatever you posses. To give is to love. To withhold is to wither. Care less for your harvest than for how it is shared and your life will have meaning and your heart will have peace." - Kent Nerburn
I read these (and some other stuff) a few days a week on my way to work, they help me to stay focussed on the very things you've mentioned. Also, as I write this, my husband has been out of work for 2 months and we are just surviving on my wage, but I can't remember us ever having been this happy :) He's not stressed out for the first time in ages, and he's so much happier and relaxed and it makes my life heaps easier while I keep going to work to earn us money. So you're absolutely right, it's only money at the end of the day, and the important things go much deeper than that. Thanks so much for this post!
Posted by: Harmony at May 15, 2005 02:52 AM