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April 20, 2005
Where Are They Now? #4
The last few days have been pretty blue for me in terms of dealing with a friend who does not have long to live. I believe that laughter is the best medicine though and to bring a little humor into my life I thought I'd share a section from my upcoming book called "Where Are They Now?" While writing the book I traveled far and wide and to many exotic locations (inside my head) and interviewed fairytale and Mother Goose Characters that we all remember. I wanted to know what they were up to and where they are today. This is what I discovered:
GOLDILOCKS
I'd been dying to interview Goldilocks for a long time, but she was pretty hard to find. I finally traced her to a research facility in a remote part of Alaska. It came as no surprise to discover that Goldilocks was working to save a group of brown bears being threatened by urban sprawl.
TR: Goldilocks, obviously your experience with the three bears has stayed with you for a long time.
Absolutely. What I did to those bears was unforgivable.
TR: What do you mean unforgivable? You didn't hurt them or anything, did you?
No, but I invaded their habitat. I was a typical human being and for reasons I still can't justify, I entered their space and foisted my humanness upon them.
TR: Foist?
Yeah, well, they didn't ask for it.
TR: How long do you think you'll be called Goldilocks?
As long as I have this 'children's-book-yellow' hair color, that will be my name. If only they had given me a decent blond shade or even a rich brown color, you know. I mean look at this. People just don't have hair this color. It's unreal. Do you know how hard it is to observe bears with this stuff? I'm like a bright yellow beacon in the bush. The bears can see me for miles. That's why I wear this Elmer Fudd cap. Well, I wear it because of the cold too…
TR: What have you been doing since you slept in their beds and ate their por…
You know I was very adventurous when I was a kid. That's what got me into the bear mess in the first place. I think I was rebelling against the picture-perfect fairy-story genes I was born with. Nobody took me seriously. I wanted some respect, so I tended to grit myself down.
TR: Grit yourself down?
Yeah, I wanted my life to be grittier. You know, textured, like in certain film noir style movies.
TR: I'm not sure I…
Okay, you've got your Disney version of life and then you've got your Sundance movie version. I felt the need to be like a character in one of the new independent movies. I didn't want to live my whole life as a two-dimensional airbrushed airhead. I wanted to be feared and revered and pursued by the law. I had this deep-rooted desire to be a romantic fugitive like the heroine from Bonnie and Clyde. I didn't have the guts to be a robber's wife so I thought I'd try something else. It didn’t work though.
TR: How do you support yourself while doing the research?
I'm okay financially. I have royalties coming in all the time from the original Three Bears story. And I'm dating Jack from Jack in the Beanstalk. He's financially stable. You know, the golden eggs and all that.
TR: What is he up to?
You should interview him sometime. He's an extreme sportsman. That's why we get on so well. He's out snowboarding down Everest or something and I'm in Alaska. We're both really independent so it works out great.
TR: What's an extreme sportsman?
Well, he's an adrenaline junkie. That whole episode he had with the giant and the beanstalk. Nothing in his life ever came close to that excitement, so he went looking for it. He just travels the world looking for death defying things to do. He's a tough guy, but he's a sweetie. If you do interview him, don't do the Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum thing. People do it to him all the time and it really dives him nuts.
TR: The Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum thing. Okay.
Yeah, he's really sensitive about it.
TR: Where do you go from here?
Well, bears are my passion and I hope to become the Dianne Fosse of the species. I'm thinking about doing a book and a movie. Jack says I could become the Martha Stewart of wildlife…
TR: I'll look for your book and movie. Good luck and thank you for giving us a glimpse of your life.
My pleasure. Thank you.
Posted by trevor at April 20, 2005 09:38 PM
Comments
It's got to be the end of a looong day for me to comment on this, because I *know* that it's irrelevant, but...
Goldilocks says, "... I entered their space and foisted my humanness upon them." Foisted her humanness?
Did she not notice the porridge? Bowls and spoons? Chairs? Beds? Did it escape her that the whole event took place *in a house*?
The Bears lived in a house. Probably got a good deal on it, too, considering land costs when the story was taking place, but that's beside the point.
Oh, well. That out of my system, thanks for the blog. You have a way of reminding me that life is... well, frankly, something to cherish. Thanks.
Posted by: S. Williams at April 21, 2005 05:49 PM
Lol! I love this, especially the line about Jack being financial stable, hehehe.
Hey Trevor, I don't know if this is any good to you or perhaps to Tyler and his family, but I read a book about alternative cancer treatments not long ago and I thought of it again when I read your last post. There is a chapter in there specifically about conventional cancer treatments and their effects, and alternative treatments which have apparently had a high degree of success, and I put a copy of the ebook (which is given away free online) here - http://www.harmonysteel.com/open/Lessons%20from%20Miracle%20Doctors.pdf
Posted by: Harmony at April 22, 2005 08:45 PM